… nor am I meant to be.
I’m stating the obvious but this fact came back most strongly late yesterday afternoon, when I was nursing stomach cramps and what might be best described as a most excruciating bout of unintended detoxification.
As I lay in bed, feeling lousy physically and mentally because I had let down J with whom I was supposed to eat dinner followed by attending The Theatre Practice’s I LOVE A-AI 2011 — at the last moment!
If that’s not bad enough, it was I who wanted to go to the performance to improve my Huayu. And J kindly did the arranging.
Then in my self-imposed misery, I thought of Lee Wei Ling, who needs no introduction to any Sg Netizen. But just in case a non-Sg-ite should be reading this, she’s boss of our National (as if there’s any other!!) Neuroscience Institute and only daughter of Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew.
But it wasn’t so much her positions that I meditated upon.
Rather, it was a recent article she wrote in Sunday Times chronicling a hike to some mountain in Hawaii. Probably no big deal for your average out-doorsy kind, except she did it just 3 months after a 7-week stay in hospital where all sorts of horrible medical things happened to her.
Topping that, one day be4 her departure for the hike, she was hospitalised again with bad stomach cramps etc etc
Still, those wore off soon enough for her to go on that hike, flying thousands of kilometres and then braving chilly wet weather and inclement terrain — she had to wade thru chest-deep water on a slippery river bed!!!!– to achieve what she wanted to do.
By contrast, all I suffered from was some body discomfort which made me feel better lying prone than sitting up, but it won’t have killed me if I sat up. Also, what was coming out at one end seemed to be running its course tho I was fearful it was just a temporary decline.
By contrast, the longest journey I had to make was to the Drama Centre at the National Library, a 10 to 15-minute drive away from my home, if the traffic lights are in my favour and the roads are clear. At worst, perhaps double that amount of time.
Yet I daren’t take the chance.
What if I took a turn for the worse while driving? What if it happened while I was eating with J or in the theatre? Could I get out in time?
Indeed, Lee Wei Ling’s feat enocuraged me enough for me to make an attempt at getting ready. I showered and lay out clothes for the evening.
Then the more sensible me took over. Look, I don’t need to prove anything. My life didn’t depend on my going to that show.
My friendship with J didn’t depend on my showing up. It’s not as if I were standing her up to go somewhere else. I was rollicking sick at home and feeling miserable. I couldn’t eat. I would most probably not be able to last thru the entire performance. My turning up in such a state could in fact cause her inconvenience and embarrassment.
Reluctantly, I text J to say, sorry, fren, I can’t make it.
At 10pm I ate some Jacobs crackers and dry toast and went to bed. Proving once and for all, that I will never be a Lee Wei Ling, in determination, gumption — or perhaps recklessness?
I’m truly the Singaporean who always looks be4 and after in trepidation and pine for sameness and security. That’s why I shall vote for PAP, even as I want Opposition in someone else’s backyard! 👿