Jack Neo: a Tiger in drag?

Years ago, when Liang Po Po and Liang Ximei were characters at the height of their popularity on Mediacorp’s Channel 8, my mother and I ran into Jack Neo with one of his kids on the overhead bridge between Anchorpoint and Ikea.

In my usual irrepressible way I blurted out “Oh look Liang Ximei..” much to Jack Neo’s discomfort, as he was dressed completely in his male persona with kid in tow, some more.

My mother, more diplomatically, greeted him as “Liang Zhiqiang Xiansheng”, shook his automatically proffered hand, uttered a few words as a gushing fan and we went our separate ways in less than a minute.

In the past two days, reading the expose that his erstwhile paramour Wendy Chong had given to the media — with apparent glee and spite about their two-year affair — reveals a new side of this “uncle”.

This is especially after another starlet wannabe with the improbable name of Foyce Le Xuan has jumped on the media bandwagon to allege her version of Jack Neo’s “lecherous ways.”

ximei jie: just the right person to advise on straying husbands?

Because of his cross-dressing success, I had occasionally wondered whether, well, Liang Xiansheng was another way inclined.

But these high-profiled allegations, with their lurid details, suggest that our Ximei was very much a Casonova a la Tiger Woods.

Just like I won’t and didn’t condemn Tiger Woods’ indiscretions, I shan’t do it to Ximei Jie, who is a comedien, not a priest or pastor, or even a golfer.

And if Jack Neo needs a script to help him have his say, when he gives his side of the story, he can do no better than to take a look at what Tiger Woods wished he had said, but didn’t. Or at least that’s what one email doing the rounds on the Internet has claimed.  

What Tiger Woods Wanted to Say at His Press Conference but didn’t
> Let me just say to all my fans that I feel sorry for everyone who criticized me for my extra-marital affairs. You must live a miserable existence if you have nothing  better to do than read about my personal life in the tabloids.  But I suppose I should provide an explanation about my behavior so that you will continue to buy the products I endorse.
> So here goes.  I am an average looking man  of mixed racial descent.  Like most men, I had trouble getting pussy before I became a famous multimillionaire.  I did  okay at Stanford because I was on the golf team, but the women there graded out with a D because they were leftovers that  players on the football team didn’t want.  Before that, I got nothing because I have a bland personality and big lips.
> Then,  I win a few golf tournaments and women are  lining up at my door.  Of course, I took advantage of my  opportunities.  These were women who wouldn’t give me the  time of day if I sold insurance or worked on a used car lot. They wanted me so they could brag to their friends about having  sex with a celebrity, while holding the belief that one  day they would live a life of luxury as the wife of Tiger  Woods.  When that didn’t  happen, they seized on an opportunity to sell  their story to the tabloids, all the while looking the part of a  woman scorned.
> Now I want to discuss my wife.  When I met  Elin, she was just like the others, except she played the hard-to-get  strategy that  women often use to corral men.  It worked.  She had all the qualities I wanted in a woman:  pretty  face, nice tits, nice  ass, and an inviting personality.  We  dated for a while, had wild sex, and we genuinely enjoyed others  company.  When I asked her to marry me, she accepted. Why wouldn’t she? Only an idiot would say no to a lavish  lifestyle that most people only dream about.
>  Our marriage was okay.  We have two  wonderful children and Elin is a good mother.  But since she had  those kids, she’s become a bitch, and doesn’t want to have sex very often.  And, she won’t accompany me on road trips, except  to the major championships.  Unfortunately, my job  requires that I travel to a different city every week where women nod approvingly at me  whereever I go.  Do you see the problem here?
> To all  the men out there:  What would you have done in my shoes?  Would you have said no to all  the woman who lined up to meet you, especially after listening to  your wife bitch at you over the telephone for not spending enough time at home with her and the kids?  And to all the  women:  How many of you would have turned down an opportunity to  spend a night with me, knowing that you could sell your story to a  tabloid for 500K?
> > I feel bad about the potential damage my actions  might cause my kids.  As for Elin, I can think of at  least 300 million reasons why she will be okay if we divorce and she is forced to  survive on her own.  And don’t forget that vast support network she will have after appearing on  Oprah and The View.
> As for me, I have paid dearly for my  transgressions.  I have lost millions and might lose custody of my  children.  Almost everyone who sees me takes great pleasure  seeing me in pain.
> The letters “Saint” or  “St.”  do not precede my name.  You’re telling me it’s O.K. to screw everything in sight and be president like Bill Clinton did, but you can’t be a pro-golfer???
> Did I become famous for being a model married man, or was it because I’m  the best damn golfer in the  world???
> Now  here I stand, while you sit there anxiously  waiting to hear my  heartfelt apology, when all I really want to  tell you is….. F. …


4 thoughts on “Jack Neo: a Tiger in drag?

  1. Thanks Josh! But Jack Neo’s love problems cld all be a gag, according to me ma who’s wiser in the ways of the world than I am! Btw, your eats r quite stomach churning 😉

  2. The story appears to be dying down.. don’t think Mediacorp even picked it up.. perhaps it’s a gag after all, to help promote his latest film? hehe!

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